Posted April 5, 200619 yr I don't even know how to open this other than by saying my fears were correct and Pippin does have a tumor. Not a fatty tumor but a malignant one, the worst kind for a budgie (or anything) to have. Fatty tumors can be managed with a good diet, this type is obviously out of my control. It's basically cancer. The vet pulled the black part off which was actually a scab. It bled a bit but underneathe there is a growth with a hole right in the middle which is where the actual tumor is. He also said Pip's beak was a bit overgrown, which it was, but with all the other things going on with Pippin I forgot all about that. He dremelled it down and told me to keep an eye on it. He isn't worried about Pippin's crop as he said if there was a problem there, I should be seeing odd droppings or other symptoms by now. He still thinks it's just Pippin's eating habit, part of his personality. It doesn't seem to be affecting his digestive system in any way. The vet was as surprised as I was to see a tumor in such a young budgie but Pippin is just another victim of our need to change things to fit our tastes. I doubt I'll look at budgie mutations quite the same way. I don't know how to explain that really and I don't really feel like trying. Dr. Thompson said I'll have to decide what to do. He said the only way to cure the tumor is to have it surgically removed but he also said that on a bird this tiny, that is very risky and there's a good chance Pippin would die if he underwent the surgery. He said it's hard to keep the little ones alive through something like that and it doesn't help that his tumor is in such a crazy spot, right on his stomach. I have more decisions than that to make though. If I decide to just let nature run its course, Pippin will die and I have to decide where he's going to die. Do I have him euthanized as soon as his quality of life has decreased or do I allow him to suffer here so that he can die in peace, surrounded by other budgies? I know to most people it's a no-brainer; it's as simple as "Don't let him suffer, have him euthanized" but it's not that simple for me. Pippin isn't bonded to me and at this point, after that horrid vet visit, he doesn't even like me or people in general. Pippin is bonded to Peregrin and clearly prefers the company of other birds. To take him to the vet to be euthanized is to take him away from his comfort zone and place him in unfamiliar surroundings. His last breath would be taken with terror and uncertainty. Maybe that's how his last breath would be if he suffered too though. I don't know. I've watched a budgie die and it's anything but peaceful. They fight so hard to stay on this earth, they give it their all until there is literally nothing else to give. They want to live just like anything else and probably more than most things. They have an insane will to live. It's a horrible thing to watch because there is nothing you can do. In the end, they really do seem to make a final grasp for life. I won't elaborate, it's morbid and horrible to think about. I don't know for sure what I'm going to do. I didn't even ask how much the surgery would cost because no matter what, I can and will make it happen if I decide that will be best. Richard has been incredibly helpful in all this in so many ways and I know he'll be behind whatever decision I make. I just wish I knew what Pippin would want. How will I even know when he's suffering too much? They hide it so well. I was given medication to put on the tumor since it's opened up to keep it from getting infected. It's called Silvadene and I have to apply it twice a day. This bird is going to hate me so much. I want to do what I can to make him happy. I know we don't have much time together, not that I want to force myself on him. I'm NOT going to do that. His remaining life will be spent as part of the flock, the way a budgie should live. With little interruption from human beings other than to offer him good food, toys, water, cleanliness, and time to be out of the cage. I pray he lives long enough to grow his flights. I don't want him to die having never had the chance to fly with the flock. He's molting so it should be soon. Pippin's the one on the left.
April 5, 200619 yr :fear :hap: Im not going to lie to ya!...i thought he had one too when i saw pics a while back..but didnt want to scare anyone! I wish i said seomthing!...sorry eTerri! How is he feeling? does he look sad, uncomfprtable, tired, dazed, confused, sleepy, happy, cheerful? Id wait to see for a couple mroe weeks...if his case gets worse...id put him to sleep If i were you, id also make him a nice, soft coffin, and burry him in your barkyard if/when you move.... Im soo sorry eTerri, im getting teary eyed now...i feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo BAD for you!!!...hugz!! Kirby
April 5, 200619 yr (hugs) I sorry to hear that the result was what we thought. It clear right now that he isn't suffering so take the time to think about what you think would be best, to try to remove it know the BIG risk it is to put a bird under that stress. Or to let him live out his life with the rest. No matter what you pick I will understand. It's a big choose to euthanize and althought many 'think' isn't an easy choice when they turn comes around it's not as black and white as they thought. Just remeber this little one is in YOUR care not anyone elses and it is your belief and peace of mind which you need to live with afterwards. Blow a Kiss to Pippin for me. Edited April 5, 200619 yr by Nerwen
April 5, 200619 yr ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))) Terri, words fail me. Nothing I can say or do will make this okay. My thoughts are with you. Don't make a decision about the end until the time comes. You will know when the right time is. You have proven time and time again that you will put your own thoughts, feelings and needs aside, and do what is best by your birds. Have faith in your knowledge, love and compassion. I know you will do the best thing possible. We are all here for you, as you know. Not one of us would wish this on any bird or owner, please pass on a kiss and cuddle (okay, in thought as Pippin wouldn't like that!), and, for you, the biggest bear hug possible.
April 5, 200619 yr Thanks for the replies, everyone. Kirby, the tumor isn't visible in any of the pictures. His crop turned out to not be a problem (that was the bulge you could see in pictures). His tumor is far lower and on his abdomen. The only way to see it is to wet the feathers, otherwise they cover it. It's become very easy to feel though. I will blow kisses to him from you Nerwen and Lin.
April 5, 200619 yr No kiss for pippin from me...? Yes eTerri...you can clearly see the buldge which is what im talking about....im not joking...i saw it before, i thought maybe he ate a lot, thought he might have problem since my hamster had a tumor on her belly...and it looked exactly like that.... Kirby
April 5, 200619 yr That bulge was his crop, it goes farther down than you might think. The actual tumor can't be seen in photos. It's very very low on his abdomen, just above the vent and nowhere near his chest. It's not even in the middle of his body (vertically). The crop turned out to not be an issue but the tumor obviously is. The only way I could get a picture of it would be to hold him on his back and wet his feathers as that's the only way I can even see it in person. And I'll blow him a kiss from you too. I mentioned Lin and Nerwen as they mentioned kisses in their replies.
April 5, 200619 yr the right words just don't seem to come easy so the best i can do is.. Do what you feel is right in your heart, and you have all of our support in this difficult time.. I'm so sorry for this horrible news and wish things could be turned about.. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Pippin.. :hap:
April 5, 200619 yr I am so very sorry that you are having to go through all of this Terri. I know you will make the right decision in due course which will be whatever you can live with and deal with at the time and the best for your gorgeous Pippin. Some little friends come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never the same. :angel1:
April 5, 200619 yr Im so sorry I dont really know what to say. I was positive it wasnt going to be this serious. It is so you have to do right by Pippin, he cant tell you himself what he needs. As long as he is happy and not suffering there is no reason he cant live his days happy with his friends. If the time comes you think he is suffering then thats when the decisions have to be made. I just think Pippin needs a lot if observing over the next few weeks for any even slight changes. I wish there was more I could do or say but I would be rambling for the sake of it. I am sorry Terri and my thoughts are with you and yours. Keep happy Pippin.
April 5, 200619 yr Oh Terri I am so sorry!! I know exactly how you are feeling as i have just been through the same thing with Cheeky. As for making the decision i'm sure you will do what you think is right for the poor thing. It was a relatively easy decision for us to make because Cheeky got so sick he could hardly move but i can understand what you mean about keeping him happy till the end. My thoughts are with you and your wee man. love ali
April 5, 200619 yr I am so sorry to hear this, it is a terrible thing to go through. I know how you are feeling, as I had the same happen with my dog, she had 2 operations and after each one the tumor grew back quicker and larger then the one that was removed. It is such a hard decision to make and even when the time came for us to say goodbye, it was heart wrenching and I always thought one more operation, this time she will be okay, but deep down I knew that she wouldn't get better, and in the end she was in so much pain that I couldn't bear to see her suffer anymore. My thoughts and heart are with you in this hard time Terri, and I'm sure no matter what you decide, Pippin would be glad to have lived her life in the most caring and happiest home possible with you. Best wishes Terri, and take care.
April 5, 200619 yr Terri, tears fall from my eyes reading your post. I often ask myself why do they come here so young only to be taken back so fast. And I realize, that they have served a purpose here on this earth, to enhance our lives in some little tid bit that sometimes we can't even see through the pain yet. But as the tears dry, and the pain eases with time, we remember the joy that they brought us, the silly antics they did, the cute faces, even the bites turn into smiles and more. They have taught us to love deeply, smile, don't take life for granted and more, even though they never talk in our language, they do talk to us. I feel your pain, I have been there so many times in life and have had to make the decisions, and at times the decision was made for me while I held on to the pet I loved so much. You will toss and turn, and not know what to do but when you watch Pippin and look into his eyes he will tell you. I remember, looking into my cat's eyes and she told me please enough is enough, and I let her go. She feel asleep never to wake up again on my pillow, that decision - I was graced. That was a little over year ago, and I sob as I write this, they never leave your heart ever. But there have been times when I had to go to the vet and hold them until their last breath. You will know I promise, you will. I know I sound a bit looney right know but when you love your pets as much as I do (and you do) you can sense what they want. And though you may not feel as connected to him right now because he is more connected to his flock, follow your heart and you 2 will connect. Hugs
April 5, 200619 yr terri i am so so sorry i know you will make the right disicion give pippen lots of love and kisses from me shadow,jj,kiwi,mika,paco,fala,yoki and lilly xxxxxxxxxxto handsom pippen
