Hello Everybody!!!

 

I hope you have a laugh!!!

 

 

1. How do you wake-up Lady Gaga???

 

Poke-her-face!!!

 

2. Knock knock

Who's there?

Bow!

Bow who?

 

Don't cry it's ONLY a joke!!!

Edited November 16, 200915 yr by KAZ

man you must be more borred than me

:rofl:

i got a good one

 

whats got 4 legs and flys ......

............

??????????????????????????????????

 

 

a dead horse :rofl: :hmm:

lol, i've heard the Lady Gaga one before, it's my favourite at the moment!!

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

 

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

 

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

 

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

 

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

 

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

 

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

 

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

 

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

:thumbs_up: :hmm:

This is not really a joke but it is *** funny.

 

Julie Andrews remember her...made the "Sound of Music" movie.

 

Anyway if ya remember that far do you remember the song "My Favourite Things"?

 

okay now if you are still with me.

Using the words below to the tune of the Julie Andrews song above. Off ya go and sing away. In ya head please!

 

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.

 

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

 

When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Hi!!

This is really jokes.

 

 

Life After Death

A boss asked one of his employees, "Do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, sir," replied the new employee. "I thought you would," said the boss. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"

 

Support a Family

The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girl friend's father, "Son, can you support a family?"

"Well, no, sir," he replied. "I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you have to fend for yourselves."

 

The Water Pistol

My five year old son squealed with delight when he opened his birthday present from his grandmother. It was a water pistol. He promptly ran to the sink to fill it.

 

"Mom," I said. I'm surprised at you. "Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water pistols?" My mom smiled and said, "Yes, I remember."

hahahaaha they are some good ones!

Two drunks walking home with enough money for a bottle so they buy one and while negotiating a slippery slope, the drunk carrying the bottle in his pocket falls and feels the liquid running down his leg. He groans out loud, "I hope thats blood"...