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daniela

Some Jokes

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Okay... here are some jokes i found on laugh lab which were found to be the two funniest jokes ever... i onnly get the first one. :)

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

 

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

 

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

 

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

 

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

 

:wub:

 

 

and the other poem

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "okay, now what?"

 

 

hahhahahhaa :)

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ROFL!!! The first one is a classic!!!! :)

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Ha,Ha, good work. I checked out the site, very interesting... did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant !!!

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Ha,Ha, good work. I checked out the site, very interesting... did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant !!!

:P

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Ha,Ha, good work. I checked out the site, very interesting... did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant !!!

 

 

:) thats hilarious !!!!

 

oops i just realised in the middle of the jokes i wrote heres the other poem

 

i was meant to write heres the other joke but lately i was up 12:30 am doing poetry homework :(

Edited by CUTE.SPANGLED.BUB

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SOME NORE JOKES!!!!!

hahahhahaa

 

 

Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots.

 

Chirpes: A canarial disease...no tweetment.

 

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

 

This guy is in a plane when he feels thirsty. He calls the stewardess and asks her politely for a Large Whiskey.There's a parrot in the seat next to him, who snaps,"A double Scotch and make it quick". "Yes ,sir"the stewardess says, and quickly gets the bird his drink - but ignores the guy. The parrot downs his in one gulp, and says "gimme another". The stewardess gets him a second drink, ignoring the guy again. The guy, meanwhile has been asking for his drink very politely. He decides to use the parrot's tactics and snarls at the stewardess,"You @#*$# hag, get me my bloody Scotch!". Suddenly a large co-pilot comes out of the cockpit and ejects both the guy and the parrot off the plane.

 

As they're falling, the parrot turns to the guy and says "You know, you're quite brave for someone who can't fly...".

 

A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

 

Medical

Sent in by A. Lamb

A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says,

"I'm afraid your parrot is dead."

"That's terrible," says the woman, "How can you know that. You haven't

examined it or anything."

The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the

examination table, opens the door and whistles. At this, a labrador dog

bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot,

looks up and shakes its head sadly. Then the Vet gives another whistle

and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the

parrot and then shakes its head sadly.

"Well I'm terribly sorry Mrs Jones but there can be no doubt about it.

Polly is dead."

"Well, it's devastating news but thank you. How much do I owe you?"

"That will be six hundred and forty two pounds please."

"How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!"

"Well it's your own fault," Said the Vet, "If you had believed me in the

first place it would only have been twenty pounds. But you insisted on

a Lab report and a Cat scan!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!

Look, theres many more but i gotta get started on my homework :unsure:

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hahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what site is this?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Laugh lab, check it out.

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:)

Tree, Tree!A blonde lady totaled her car in an awful accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from it without a scratch. So, she waited on the side of the road until the officer came to help her. He was in awe. "Ma'am your car looks like it was jumped on by a family of elephants! Are you okay?" he asked. "Oh yeah I'm fine," the blonde replied. Amazed, the officer examins the wrecked car and finally asks, "How in the world did this happen?" So the blonde lady said, "Well I was driving on this road and out of nowhere a tree popped up! So I swerved to the right and there was another tree! And I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! And THEN I swerved..." "Ma'am" the officer cut her off. "There isn't a tree on the road for 30 miles. That was your air freshner swinging back and forth."

 

Youve got E-mail

One day a blonde went out to check her mail box. Five minutes later she does this process again ... she does this five different times. The last time she did it her neighbour who was looking at this through the window commented, 'U must have something very important coming .. the way u keep checking your mailbox that way. Then the blond says no I'm working on my computer and it keeps saying that I've got mail.

 

Glass wall

A Blonde climbs over a glass wall to see whats on the other side.

 

Watches

There's an Irish man,an English man, And a Scottish man, and they're all standing on top of a building. The English bloke turns around and says to the men, "I bet you I can drop my watch, run down and catch it!" The men says, "Yeah right!" So he drops his watch, runs down the building and misses it. The Scottish man says, "Aye, I'll try it!" So he drops it, runs down and misses it. The Irish meanwhile thinks, "Yeah alright then, I'll try it." He drops his watch, runs down, stops halfway, has a shower and a drink, runs down and catches it. The Scottish and English men turn around and say, "How the *** did you do that?!" He replies, "My watch was half an hour slower!"

 

HAHAHHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by daniela

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