So I am not exactly an expert on budgies, but I have had them for years and I have learnt a thing or two.
I just got a new budgie a while ago and I am in a relatively similar situation.
First of all, the gender problem.
It is pretty easy to tell the gender of a budgerigar. Male budgies have a slightly blue tinge to their noses (above the beak), whereas a females will have a pinkish or light brown colour. Some sources say that females have a more painful bite but that's not true- I have had plenty of males that can draw quite a bit of blood when they want to.
The main problem.
First up, don't hate your bird. If he is being disobedient or annoying or simply driving you insane, it's not his fault. He just doesn't understand, not to mention he's probably scared out of his wits by this strange creature that looms over him every day and keeps him cooped up in a cage half the time. Remember this and don't give up, no matter how frustrating he can be.
Secondly, not all of the tips and tricks you read online will work, most of the time it depends on his/her personality, but you've probably heard that everywhere (I know I have), but it's true. Not every bird will respond to the same techniques. Try a new technique every few days and observe what his reaction to them is, then keep using the one that you thought worked best.
I found that putting my hand in the cage for a while didn't actually work, it only made him more unsettled the longer I had it in there.
Getting him or her used to your voice or a certain phrase can also help. Whenever I take my bird out to train it I say something like, 'Pretty birdy' over and over and that seems to reassure him somehow.
Also, if you have a large cage or an aviary, consider getting a smaller cage for training purposes. This provides a smaller space for them to try and fly away.
I don't recommend clipping your bird's wings unless you absolutely have to, as it is a vital part of their lifestyle. I keep my birds outside and one day one got out somehow, I had clipped his wings and I am pretty sure a cat got him and he couldn't fly away. I found his feathers out the front and I felt utterly horrible.
Try spreading millet sprays around or coaxing him out of the cage or wherever he is with it. Some birds are afraid of it but if they're not its an easy way to get them to do what you want. If they are afraid try putting some around your cage or in the food bowl to get them used to it.
When you take him out of his cage make sure it's in a room with plenty of places to perch (preferably high ones) and make sure the curtains are closed (some will try to fly into the window and hurt themselves).
Using a perch to get him does not help him get used to you, when he is in his cage or perched around the house, just slowly put your finger underneath him and rub his belly saying in a sweet, soothing voice, 'step up!'.
You can try recording him and playing it back to him to calm him down.
If you're completely fed up with him flying away you can put your thumb on his toes while you work with him.
Once he knows without doubt he can trust you you can clean him and teach him tricks, take note of his behaviour and the feel of his body so you know if he is getting sick or if something is not right.
Remember when handling him that in the wild a predator would go from behind and he or she must know what is touching it and whether it is safe.
Remember, don't give up keep calm and confident.